


A Clear Mind

by Ja_Levi



Series: Dysfunctional but it works [7]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Age Difference, Age Regression/De-Aging, Bottom Loki (Marvel), Childhood Trauma, Come Eating, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hand Jobs, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Obedience, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Size Difference, Slave Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:55:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27226912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ja_Levi/pseuds/Ja_Levi
Summary: Loki's head always gets filled with the horror of the past. He just wants to think without the hazy thoughts clouding his judgment. He just wants peace.
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Series: Dysfunctional but it works [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883170
Kudos: 34





	A Clear Mind

TW: Dubcon, Non Sexual Little Space, Sexual Submissive Space, Sexual And Non Sexual Usage Of Collars, Non Sexual Usage Of 'Daddy', Obedience Training, Borderline Emotional/Mental Abuse Because It's Almost Like Grooming, Age Different (Loki Is 19 And Thor Is A Silver Fox, So Like 40), Past Child Abuse, Past Rape.

Loki waddles up to his bedroom that he stays in during the day, his feet sliding against the floor awkwardly as he wears Thor's slippers that are at least three sizes too big for his feet. They make him stumble a few times, but he somehow doesn't fall. 

As the teenager reaches his bed he wiggles his nose. He then grabs his weighted blanket from the far end of his twin mattress.

He struggles to pick it up off of his bed but when he does manage to succeed he does a happy little wiggle dance on the spot as he pulls the blanket over his shoulders, wearing it as an almost makeshift cape. Soon he finishes tying the blanket and he then trods back towards the huge living room.

Loki kneels on the grey living room carpet, hugging the blanket around himself tightly for security and warmth before he glances at the large wooden grandfather clock that's in the corner of the wide room. The teenager is currently waiting for his Daddy to come back from work, and he's being ever so patient; ever so well behaved for Thor. 

His Daddy works as an accountant, apparently, so he works awfully long days. At least, Loki thinks that Thor does accounting. Loki does vaguely remembers asking Thor what his job actually was and he only just remembers being told that Thor 'worked with a large corporation that collects debts.' When Loki thinks back to that conversation from a while back, he supposes that technically Thor has never really told him what his actual job is. 

That's really the least interesting thing on Loki's mind however, because the teenager wiggles into his weighted blanket as he thinks of his Daddy, trying to get comfortable on his knees. Loki doesn't usually go more than six hours without Thor, now that he's moved in with him, so he's getting a little bit on edge and nervous. Before he moved in with his Daddy, he would only go a few days before he would see Thor, usually visiting him on the weekend after a long week at his old school.

Now though, Loki doesn't have to worry about his school too much anymore. Ever since Thor took him in to take care of him, he hasn't had to worry or care about anything much. Thor does all of that for him, so he can relax and become bendy plastic beneath Thor's warm hands. 

You see, Loki would be a college student in his third year if he hadn't had moved in with his Daddy not so long ago. Loki smiles as he starts to remember his first meeting with Thor, which it in itself was not too long ago. He only met the older man eight months ago, at a party in the lower half of town. On that particular evening the party was being held in a specifically black and gold colour based nightclub that he snuck into. He snuck into the building mainlt because he was bored and a bit lonely.

School used to take up so much of Loki's social life with homework and course studies. And anyway, Loki was always an isolated child, never one to be good at socialising with other folks his age. Truthfully, his only friend was his adoptive father as he grew up. Loki would've been at home with his father that night, had he not come to hate the old bastard after everything he had started to do and say to the adolescent. 

The nineteen year old begins to frown as he reminisces of his not so much past. It only really ended less than a year ago. 

Yet, his childhood was never the worst. His father took good care of him for the first eleven years of his life, always being warm and welcoming to him. Odin's hands were loving as they tucked him into bed each night. 

That is, until he reached the age of twelve and puberty hit. And when it hit, it hit like a fucking train. His body started getting bigger; and by bigger, Loki supposes he means that it got bigger in places that it shouldn't have gotten bigger. 

His slim waist remained small as his hips filled in slightly, curving just like his thighs, which also began to grow thick. They plumped up as wide as his shoulders broadened and eventually his back slumped while his face sharpened. All of these femine changes did not go unnoticed by his quickly revealed to be sick and deranged father.

A sudden whimper leaves Loki as distress rises in his chest, making his stomach flip uncomfortably. His hands grip his blanket tightly as the clock ticks ever louder, the sound filling the room with a new tension flooding in.

Odin stopped being warm and welcoming with his touches; his touches soon became scorching as his hands roamed where they were not supposed to go. Fingers touched where they were never meant to touch. Lips marked areas of skin which were meant to remain pure, at least just for a little while longer.

Loki begins to slowly rock on his knees as he watches the clock hands move slowly, time seeming to drag on as he starts to feel more and more uncomfortable. More whimpers leave him and he slurs out Thor's name, his tone of voice almost rising to one of panic.

Loki wants his Daddy to hurry up so he doesn't have to remember Odin and what he has done to him. He really doesn't want to think about how his father made him dirty and he doesn't want to think about how Odin ruined his first times; all of his first times, which were meant to be shared with a lover who you trusted, or just a person in general that you trusted! Odin was not that, and he should have never touched him.

That cruel man took his first kiss: his lips were chapped when they met Loki's, and his teeth were blunt when they knocked against his son's. Odin took his oral virginity: after having forced Loki to his knees when he was fourteen in front of his own drunk friends, Odin shoved his cock down Loki's throat, grinning when Loki thrashed and gagged on the appendage. Odin had popped his cherry no more than a fortnight later and he had practically bathed in the juices from the rough encounter. Odin was a piece of shit for taking what can never be given back to Loki. 

Loki trembles weakly as he gulps, his body suddenly feeling cold and frail. It's clear that his father's grasp on him is still as tight as ever. As memories of his father begin to cloud his thoughts heavily, Loki can only plead silently for his Daddy to hurry up back home. He doesn't want to think about this anymore. He wants Thor to save him, just like the first time his father had this much control over him, without even being in the same room.

When Loki was drinking at the party downtown, at that lovely coloured club, he had caught Thor's attention. Not just for being the beautiful boy he was at the time (not like he's changed in appearance too much since), but because he looked so young. Thor slowly approached him that night, purring into his ear, asking him 'what a young, gorgeous little thing' like him was doing there.

Loki closes his eyes as he remembers downing his drink before responding. Loki remembers how he spat at the ground, telling Thor that he came to forget what a Hel hole his home became.

He relaxes as he thinks back to how Thor bought him another drink, his flirting tone now sounding fatherly. Loki remembers how Thor went from nearly breathing on his neck to placing a hand onto his shoulder. Thor just listened closely as he let Loki explain everything that happened to him at home, his mismatched eyes shifting emotions in the light of the club. 

The teenager didn't have a filter back then, the alcohol in his veins forcing him to spill every ounce of trauma out into a complete stranger. Thor listened to everything and even kissed his forehead softly to comfort him, relaxing him, making him trust him. 

One thing lead to another and Thor was driving him back to what was Thor's flat at the time. Loki's vision was blurry as Thor started to take him to Thor's king sized bed in his wide bedroom. Loki told Thor that he didn't have to look after him like this, but Thor only smiled, shushing him softly as he continued to tuck the sweaty, drunk teenager into the covers.

When Loki woke up hours later, smelling of musk and sleep terror produced sweat, he was confused as to why he was so stupid as to confide into a random man. The teenager curled up in the bed, hating himself silently before Thor had walked into the room with a coffee and a piece of toast.

Only after eating and waking up somewhat did Loki notice what Thor looked like. He had a whitish beard, flecks of ginger tucked in by the roots. He had one deep brown eye and one gentle blue one. There were wrinkle lines by his eyes, showing Loki that this man loved to smile a lot. It's what made him trust him instantly. A bad man does not have wrinkle lines. 

Honestly, Loki only noticed Thor's face. It's all that seemed important to him. That warm face, that sweet face with the kind eyes. That's all that mattered to make him feel safe.

It was from then that Loki found a friend, Thor caring too much about him to just abandon him after hearing what Loki was dealing with. Thor even let Loki stay over each weekend, just in case Loki needed a breather or needed somewhere to call his second home, his safe space. At least, that was before Loki came to his flat on a Friday night, a broken wrist shoved into his hoodie pocket.

Loki reopens his eyes as he reads the clock once more. Thor will still be a while at work before he comes home to kiss his forehead, before he cuddles him into bliss. 

That night Thor had lost his mind. It turned out that his wrist was caused by Odin, who attempted to rape Loki again. Thor had driven Loki back to Odin's after wrapping Loki's wrist up in a makeshift splint. 

He banged down the door and when the door was open he gently told Loki to go grab his things. Odin had took one look at him and backed up slightly, but that did not stop Thor from grabbing Odin's collar and shaking him. 

Thor asked him what the fuck was wrong with him, and Odin only stammered weakly. Loki packed all that he felt he needed, like some clothes, some shower things and a tiny fox stuffie. He heard a slam, a crack and then a scream. He slowly peeked his head around the corner, feeling timid and frightened, only to see Odin grasping the wall and his nose.

Thor was panting heavily and he glanced towards Loki, who had stumbled forwards with his backpack that had all of his stuff in it. There was blood on his hand and the floor from where Odin was standing, clutching his face still. 

Thor waved Loki over and he had quickly took his hand, leading him back to his car to take Loki back to his flat. They both just left Odin there, his nose heavily bleeding. 

"What...did you do?" Loki remembers asking, holding his backpack to his chest shyly. "I broke his nose, baby," Thor had responded, little to no cares in the world as he had said it. He said it like it was nothing and while that should've scared Loki beyond comprehension, it didn't. No, it made him calm down. Nothing seemed to make Thor flinch, and that meant good news for Loki, he thought. 

Only later on that night when he was laying in the guest room, or what then became his room, did Loki seem to realise that Thor had called him 'baby.' Loki curled up on his bed and he flushed as he realised that, feeling giddy and warm inside. That night, despite feeling the embarrassment at just the idea of saying it, Loki had whispered 'Daddy.' He don't know where it had come from, but it just felt right to say it. 

All stress had parted when he whispered the word into the darkness. Just for that split moment, he felt at peace, all before the stress had come crashing back down on him. That night Loki had weeped into his pillow, and only one word made it all seem better; Daddy.

Loki lies down on the carpet, his trembling stopping to the occasional shiver as he thinks back to how his and Thor's relationship had started.

It was on a warm Saturday morning while baking when Thor had awkwardly confessed into wanting to start being a caregiver for Loki. At first, Loki didn't understand what he had meant. 'What is a caregiver?' Loki asked himself at the time. 

Thor had explained simply what it was. "A caregiver is a person who does whatever they can to provide care and comfort to another person who is experiencing a little high. A little high is when one person crashes into a child like head space due to increased trauma and/or stress," Thor had told him patiently, a blush dusting his cheeks above his beard. 

It made Loki freeze up because he didn't know if he even fit the description for a Little. Thor explained that there was no pressure and that it was just a passing idea, but Loki could see how important this thing meant to him, so he had agreed.

For the next few weeks, Thor had slowly used different techniques on Loki to help him 'age regress' as it was called, and they had all seemed to work. Loki would be rendered functionless, his mind turned into mush as he would let Thor pick him up and wrap him up in a thick blanket.

Thor would do use these techniques every weekend, letting Loki melt and relax, his worries escaping him until he could think again. It was nice, until the trauma started to have lasting affects that brought Loki into a depressive state, just over a month into the practice.

So Thor did more techniques, and he did them so much that eventually all he had to say was a short sentence containing the word 'Daddy' to have Loki wavering into his little high.

It was during a depressive episode in his little high that Loki had confessed into loving Thor. It wasn't a like, and it wasn't a crush. Thor had sat on the floor with the then wailing teenager, listening to Loki slur his words about how Thor's 'strong, wide arms' kept him safe, how his 'pick and mix eyes' made him feel seen and cared for. 

Thor had listened until Loki calmed down and he had kissed Loki's forehead sweetly. "I love you too, baby. Daddy loves you so much. In every way, even the ways he shouldn't. He loves you."

Rolling around on the floor, tugging the weighted blanket with him, Loki sniffles. Apparently remembering that night in particular causes him some tears. Or maybe it's just because Thor isn't home yet. 

Loki sniffles once more as he lies on the floor before he hears the front door opening. "Daddy? Daddy!" He calls loudly, his voice cracking as he hears shuffling. He struggles into a sitting up position and he hears a soft voice come from the hallway. "Daddy's home, baby. Stay where you are, Daddy will be there in a second." 

Loki can't help the relieved sobs that escape him as he hears Thor's voice. He's been so lonely all day, and he's just so happy to hear that Thor is home. Soon enough, Thor comes into the living room, his shoes off already.

Loki looks up at his Daddy, moving an arm to mimic 'uppies' at the older man. Thor gives his crying baby a soft look and he bends down, lifting Loki almost easily, weighted blanket seeming to add nothing onto the load in his arms.

Loki clings to Thor tightly as Thor heads to the kitchen, presumably to make a cup of tea. "Have you got any hot milk, baby? Or have you been a good boy and waited for Daddy to come back to do it?" 

"I waited, Daddy," Loki sniffs, letting Thor place him onto the kitchen counter. Thor kisses his cheeks, cleaning away his salty tears. He rubs his beard against Loki's skin and the teenager giggles happily. "Good boy. Such a good, good boy. I love you, baby. Tell Daddy how your day was."

Loki watches contently as Thor begins to make a tea before he begins to speak. "It was boring, Daddy. Except...for a little while ago. I...um, I had some bad thoughts, and I got upset."

Thor frowns gently and he finds a small bottle with its nipple in the cupboard. "Oh, sweetheart. Why didn't you call me? Was baby too Little to call me?" 

Flushing in embarrassment, Loki wiggles his toes. "I...didn't think about it, Daddy. I'm sorry..." Thor fills the bottle with milk and he tightens the nipple before he puts the bottle in the microwave. Once the microwave is set off Thor walks over to Loki. 

Loki wiggles his toes again and he looks at Thor timidly. Thor still frowns and he goes to speak but Loki distracts him by moving his hands to Thor's beard, running his fingers through the white and ginger hairs.

Loki leans closer and he rubs his face against Thor's cheek. "Baby, you need to try and remember things like this. Daddy worries so much about you. Are you still...upset?"

Loki shrugs a little bit. "A little bit, Daddy. But I'll be okay." Thor shakes his head slightly and he frowns more. "No, baby. It's not right to let you go through this. We've had this conversation before. You need to let Daddy get those thoughts out of your head. You need to let Daddy take control and help you. So baby, do you want Daddy to leash you tonight? Or do you just want Daddy to collar you?"

Loki subconsciously melts when Thor suggests collaring him. He whimpers gently. Thor always knows what to say to make Loki go pliant for him. "Can Daddy collar me?" He asks softly, wiggling in his spot on the counter top. 

Thor kisses Loki's cheek and he nods. "Of course, baby. You know that this is for your own good, my love, don't you? Good boy. Daddy only wants to look after you. Now, let me get your milk and you wait here while Daddy gets you a collar. What collar do you want tonight?" 

Loki chews on the inside of his cheek. "Can I have the one with the green glitter on it? The...one with the bell on it?" Thor smiles and he nods, pulling away from the teenager. 

Thor gets his bottle from the microwave. He pushes the nipple between Loki's lips and he tips Loki's head back by holding the back of his neck. 

Loki suckles on the nipple and takes a couple of sips of milk before Thor leaves him be. Loki kicks his legs out and he chews on the nipple of his bottle.

He only has to wait a few minutes for Thor to come back, the desired collar in hand. Loki pushes his neck outwards, making sure Thor can reach it. Loki doesn't even twitch as Thor tightens the collar around his throat. 

"Good boy, so well behaved. You just needed Daddy to make you his little baby, didn't you? It's okay now, Daddy is here to help you calm down." 

Loki smiles as Thor gently pulls away again. Thor gives Loki a soft look before he finishes making his cup of tea. Loki sips his milk as he watches Thor finish his drink. "Daddy is going to put his drink in the living room and then he's going to come back for you. Be patient, baby."

Nodding Loki chews on the bottle nipple as he watches Thor walk away. Thor does return quickly and he lifts up the teenager, carrying him to the couch.

Loki giggles as Thor easily takes him to the living room. "Daddy is so strong," he says, snuggling up to Thor's chest as Thor sits down with him in his arms. Thor chuckles softly. "I know, baby. You say that at least once a week, darling." 

Thor lets Loki cuddle up to him as he turns on the television. Loki suckles on his drink again, this time absent mindedly. He's completely relaxed now that Thor is here with him. 

Loki starts drifting off, his milk bottle hanging from his lips loosely as his grip on it slackens. He vaguely hears laughing erupting from the television as he begins to slumber. 

When he awakes, he knows that it's early morning because Thor is still on the couch with him, holding him close as he sleeps. The teenager smiles before he shuffles closer to the sleeping man, flushing as he feels something firm against his hip.

Loki slowly pulls back from Thor's hold as he realises that Thor is hard in the jeans that he didn't even change out of. Loki bites his lip, wondering what to do. He could just ignore it and go back to sleep, but Loki feels a sense of need wash over him. He feels like he has to pay his Daddy back for taking such good care of him earlier.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, Loki shuffles lower on the couch, making sure he's able to reach Thor's jean buttons. His fingers shake slightly, but Loki forces himself to keep going. 

The teenager's collar rings faintly as he opens Thor's flies and tugs down his jeans. His face burns hot as he tugs down Thor's boxers as well, a tiny squeak leaving him as Thor's cock shows a large curve. 

Loki and Thor haven't done anything too sexual yet because Thor wanted to wait until Loki was older. Loki didn't want to wait because he was already an adult by the law, but he listened anyway, only wanting to please Thor. Loki licks his lips in excitement at the chance to repay Thor for all of his kindness.

He spends a few seconds just looking at Thor's cock, mesmerised by its dripping tip. He carefully uses his hand to cup the underside of it, his shoulders trembling as he leans closer to the head.

Loki is nervous as he wraps his lips around it. A salty taste lands on his tongue and his heart begins to pound as Thor moves around slightly in his sleep. He settles down and Loki timidly begins to suck on Thor's tip.

He just wants to do a good job, so when he tries to take Thor deeper and gags, he only forces himself to go back down the farthest he can. Tears spike in his eyes when he can't breathe and he pulls off of Thor's cock.

Loki can't help but feel angry at himself and he jiggles his collar in utter frustration before he tries again. And again. And again. Yet he fails each time to take more than half of Thor's cock into his throat. 

Loki focuses so hard on not choking that he doesn't notice it when a large hand finds its way into his hair. It's a few moments later when a low voice whispers that Loki realises that Thor has woken up. "What are you doing, baby?" Thor asks, his voice rough with sleep. 

Carefully, Loki pulls off of Thor's cock again. "I...I don't know, Daddy," he admits shamefully. Loki can't see it in the darkness of the room (the television was most likely turned off by Thor earlier), but Thor's eyes twinkle. 

"Did baby think that he could really suck Daddy's cock without practicing first? Oh, sweetheart. My prick is way too big for you," Thor coos. Loki whines and he wiggles against Thor's legs. "But Daddy, I wanted to make you happy. Daddy always makes me happy and I thought that maybe you should get to feel happy too." 

Thor chuckles softly and Loki melts at the sound. "Oh, darling. Looking after you makes me happy. But you know what? If you really want to touch Daddy like this, just give Daddy a hand job. Don't try and suck him off yet, my love. I'll teach you how to do it another time. It'll take lots of practicing."

Loki flushes with shame and he nods his head a little, wrapping both of his hands around Thor's cock to stroke it. "When can I start practicing? I...really want to repay you, Daddy. I want to be a good boy for you."

Thor lets out a soft groan as Loki moves a thumb over his slit and he growls low in the back of his throat. "We can start after Daddy has come back from work. It'll take hours, and even days to know how to suck Daddy's cock correctly. Does baby want Daddy to keep him up all night so he can learn? Yeah? Daddy might have to not let you have milk tonight, because milk makes you sleepy. And if you're sleepy then you can't focus on what you're being taught."

Whimpering as he fondles Thor's shaft, Loki looks at what he can make out of Thor's face. "I-I will let Daddy do whatever he wants to me," he responds quietly, even though he knows that without his milk he'll only be anxious and on edge. "Mhm, hng, good boy," Thor pants, making Loki's stomach turn in satisfaction. 

Loki chews his bottom lip as Thor shifts his hips upwards. "You're so good, baby. Twist the tip of Daddy's cock. Mhm..." Obeying, Loki flushes. He strokes Thor's shaft and he squeaks faintly as Thor's cock twitches in his hands.

Loki moves one hand off of Thor's cock so that he can bite on it, wanting to quieten himself down. He doesn't notice when one of Thor's hands grabs his collar until he feels the hand tighten around the collar, choking him slightly as he keeps stroking Thor's shaft.

"That's it, baby. Keep stroking. Daddy knows that you love it when Daddy surrounds you like this. You like it when Daddy controls you, don't you?" Loki nods his head, closing his eyes briefly. He does love how he doesn't have to think when he's with Thor.

As he reopens his eyes, Thor lets out a low groan. Loki sees Thor reach his orgasm, cum leaking out of the tip in spurts. He gasps and he squeaks. Thor lowly commands him to clean up the mess.

And he does so, obeying without another thought. He doesn't have to think, not when his Daddy is here to control him. And he likes having an empty mind. He likes thinking clearly. He loves it.


End file.
